Archive for category: Messages

Your Reality – Your Personal Needs & Wants, Personal Values & Standards

We are resuming this newsletter from last month, continuing our Locus of Control discussion – Internal and External – and how that affects you.

For a quick overview, when you operate from the Internal Locus, you are taking complete control of your life.  Note: this does not mean the life of anyone else!  This means you work with yourself only and don’t try to change others – you have no rules for other people in relationships – just your own healthy boundaries.  You only control what is controllable – yourself, your emotions, your time, money, energy, your health (to a certain degree), etc.   And, you don’t waste your time or your energy in trying to control or change events outside of your influence.

Last month we covered more in depth: Living In Your Reality and Inviting Others You’re your Reality, including:

1. Living in your reality is about creating your desired reality vs. living in others reality.

• • Things to be aware of when you invite others into your reality

1. People will always test/challenge it, so you need to be clear

• • You must have strong healthy boundaries that you maintain with goodwill and grace – its not about offending or pleasing anyone else, but rather about maintaining the environment that will ensure your success

3. We covered guidelines for inviting and including others in your positive reality, including

1. • Never ever let anyone make decisions for you
   • Determine ahead of time what behavior you will and will not accept from others
   • Don’t let anyone mistreat you – and, you determine the guidelines for what qualifies as mistreatment, including areas of communication styles, life-style choices, core values, how you define respect and disrespect, etc.
   • Men and women will approach these guidelines differently

4. We also discussed how to handle the situations when someone crosses these guidelines

This month we are looking at:

1. 1. Your Needs and Wants
   2. Personal Cored Values
   3. Standards

YOUR NEEDS & WANTS

When you are operating from the place of Internal Locus of Control, it automatically places your needs and wants as a priority.  This is due to the fact that you are aware that you are the only one responsible for your life and consequently are responsible for your own happiness, attainted by meeting your needs and wants.

We live in a world where we are not taught how to prioritize our own needs in a healthy and constructive way.  Many people are shy, and even paralyzed by their fear, when it comes to putting themselves first, often intimidated by what others will think.  Which results in passive aggressive behavior, and hinders them from going for what they really want.  They worry that others will judge them as needy, greedy, arrogant, selfish – any number of things – showing disapproval.  And are fearful of inconveniencing other people by asking for what they really want.  While it is just the opposite – the people who go after what they desire and ask for what they want are regarded as powerful and having clarity.  And it is these very people who generally always get their needs met – especially when they have learned to accomplish this with tact and grace.

It is important that you never feel guilty for putting your needs first.  The best example of this is when we fly – we are required to put the oxygen mask first on ourselves before we assist others – in other words – meet our own needs first.  This results in the best chance of survival for everyone.  And the same applies to each of us in our individual lives.  To be as effective as possible, we must take care of our needs and wants first.  Why?  Very simply because we cannot give to others what we don’t already have.  Again, this can be done with kindness to ourselves as well as others.

When we are talking about getting our needs met effectively there are a several things we must know:

• 1^st, we need to know what our needs are
• 2^nd, we need to know why we have these needs
• 3^rd, we need to know how to proceed in meeting them

In order to do the above, it is important to take a look at your personal values.

PERSONAL CORE VALUES

Your values define what is most important and most “valuable” to you in your life.  They help determine how you prioritize your decisions, including your time, money and energy, by pointing out what you believe in and stand for.

Your individual standards are based on your personal values and impact/inform your ideas, thoughts, plans, actions, and behaviors.

For example, if you value integrity, you most likely believe in being reliable and honest, and feel that it is important to speak truthfully.  When you don’t speak up, you tend to feel disappointed in yourself as well as somewhat compromised.  Because you value integrity, one of your personal standards might be to never lie, even if it could possibly cause short-term discomfort or the truth could really be hurtful to someone.

A key to living a fulfilling life is to know and honor your personal core values.  These values and standards are so important that they are reflected in the quality of all aspects of your life professionally and personally – including your relationships, your communication, and your work/career.

Some values and standards are internal and others are external.  The external values and standards are imposed on us from sources outside of us.  Because of these external values and standards, when you are not meeting and fulfilling your own needs, you will tend to experience life as unfulfilled, complicated, hard, even an ongoing struggle.

When we deviate from our personal core values, we tend to feel dissatisfied with ourselves.  And from that place we tend to make decisions that we regret, because the decisions were not based on our true core values.  Once you map out your core values, you will find what you believe in and stand for, and then it will be easier to meet your needs because you have healthy pride in doing that.  As opposed to feeling guilty or bad for attempting to put yourself first and meet your needs.

On our Zoom Meeting Call next Wednesday we will do an exercise to assist in finding your Personal Core Values.  To prepare for this, please ask yourself the following questions:

1. What do you place importance on in your life?  And why?
2. What behaviors in others, or stories tend to be the most inspiring to you?  And why?
3. Among your accomplishments, in both your personal and professional areas, what things are you most proud of?  And why?
4. What are examples of behaviors that make you sad (or angry)?  And why?

STANDARDS

Now I want you to think about the standards that you currently live by, and I have a couple of questions for you:

1. Are they your own standards, or set by someone else?
2. Now that you’ve identified your core values, do you genuinely feel like you are living up to your core values?

There’s a good chance that some, if not many, of your current standards, are from outside sources.  And there would be a good chance that they are not aligned with your core values!  In other words, your daily behavior and decisions may be influenced by someone else’s core values – the media, family members, work, movies and music – from anyone and anything in our society that you are hearing and listening to.  It is important that you are aware of this and acknowledge it.

Some of these standards may be counterproductive or even detrimental to your desires and life purpose.  With this in mind, its time to take a deep look at the personal standards you’ve set for yourself, and figure out which ones are and are not serving your best interest.  From this place you can start making adjustments, erasing the ones that do not support you.

The standards you create will direct your life towards what you what to achieve.  Because personal standards are personal, this requires looking deep within to understand what really drives you, what you stand for, what your principles and beliefs are – in all areas of your life.  Getting to these takes time.  It can’t be done in one sitting, or even in a day.  It is an exercise that you need to take your time with.  Once you have your standards outlined, then live with them for a while and feel free to continue to adjust them – gaining deeper insight into what truly drives you.

When your high standards are set, you must stay on top of them in order to feel fulfilled and successful.  For many people, this can be where things begin to get difficult, and it becomes seductive just to give up, rather than stick with your inner fire and what truly drives you.  Because so many people are unclear about their core values, they settle for the easiest path, or the newest fad.

Next month we will dive deeper into assisting you with working on your standards, how to effectively implement and live with them, as well as cover healthy boundaries that will help you maintain your standards.

MY INVITATION TO YOU

This month as we enter 2022, I’m inviting you to step into your new year more aware of your Personal Core Values and the Standards that are driving them.  I would love to hear from you about the changes this awareness is making in your life.

I am holding you in my heart.

Creating Your Reality

We are resuming this newsletter from last month, continuing the Locus of Control discussion – Internal and External – and how that affects you.

For a quick overview, when you operate from the Internal Locus, you are taking complete control of your life.  Note: this does not mean the life of anyone else!  This means you work with yourself only and don’t try to change others – you have no rules for other people in relationships – just your own healthy boundaries.  You only control what is controllable – yourself, your emotions, your time, money, energy, your health (to a certain degree), etc.   And, you don’t waste your time or your energy in trying to control or change events outside of your influence.

Last month we covered more in depth:

1. The Difference Between Rules and Standards and the importance of having guidelines that you follow, which of course, are not imposed on others
2. Who is in Charge in Your Life – Dominance and Control, with the focus on you being the constructive, affirming dominant energy in your life, which has nothing to do with hurting or controlling those around you or with hurting yourself.  And we dove deeper specifically into how women fully embracing their feminine energy would apply Dominance and Control in their lives
3. The importance of what our mind is thinking – positive or negative, and the impact that has on us.  A great quote that captures this is from Maxell Maltz, Psycho-Cybernetics “You act and feel, not according to what things are really like, but according to the image your mind holds of what they are like.  You have certain mental images of yourself, your world, and the people around you, and you behave as though these images were the truth, the reality, rather than the things they represent.”

This month we are looking at…

CREATING YOUR REALITY

We are required to acknowledge (when we are truly honest with ourselves) that we are always an instrument in creating our reality.  To what degree is this true?  Actually, I find it is always true.  How much we want to believe it is true is what is in question for many people, and that depends on you and the degree to which you are you willing to own your own thoughts and actions as being the directing force of your life!  It ultimately all comes down to how much actual influence you want to have in your life.  Its all up to you!

Interested in knowing more about how to create your own reality, or more of the actual reality you desire in today’s chaotic world?  There are 7 keys to creating your reality.

The 7 Keys To Creating Your Reality

1^st Key: The 3 Steps.

First, you have to start by identifying your thoughts, and distinguish between the positive and the negative ones – in other words, which thoughts are supportive in moving you towards what is most important to you, and which thoughts are actually detrimental, or undermining you.  With this awareness, you also must scrutinize all dogmas and ideologies that are negative or counterproductive that could be holding you back in your life.

Second, you must constantly be actively self-motivated with positive self-talk.  And yes, some days this can require affirmations!  Try it – it works.

Third, applied consistently you will create your own sustainable and positive reality.

Now let’s talk about what to be aware of and how to apply these three steps in your life.

2^nd Key: The Power of Your Mind and Thoughts.

You must be conscious that your mind is constantly thinking – at least until you learn how to harness and quiet it.  Most people in our western culture have no idea how to quiet their minds, and thus are controlled by their mind.  One of the earliest life-changing teachings in the Modern Mystery School is the Max Meditation™ technique for quieting the mind.  Please contact me if you want introduction or assistance with this amazing tool.  It really works and is easy to learn and use.

One of the challenges of the over-active mind is that it produces thoughts that result in feelings and emotions.  When we learn how to harness the mind and control the thoughts, we then have the ability to actually direct our actions.  As well, when we are aware and can actually choose the thoughts that we focus on, we can directly affect how we feel emotionally.  No person, event, or thing can make us feel any certain way.  We allow that – whether consciously or unconsciously.  As we take control of our self-talk, we create a more positive self-image and self-belief.

 Over the past 22 months especially, we have all been inundated with bad news.  Although it’s a knee-jerk reaction to become increasingly pessimistic, we are well-advised to remain positive and upbeat despite all the unfortunate circumstances we have been and continue to be faced with.  Only a positive mindset will give us the control we are seeking in our lives.  This is because when we let external factors control our thoughts and feelings, we have joined the matrix of most people, and are now operating from the external locus of control.  It is up to each of us to be honest with ourselves, and in that truthfulness, to put a positive spin on each negative situation we encounter!

3^rd Key: Fulfilling Your Destiny – Living Large – Expanding Your Comfort Zone

Those of you who have been with me for a while know that I am a big proponent of fulfilling your destiny…  living life large…  expanding your comfort zone…  sailing your ship into the high seas of life…  vs. living your life in the safety of the harbor….  Whenever you are living your life fully, it is important to pay close attention to your self-talk and focus on what you are hearing and feeling.  Is your conversation empowering and positive, or is there doubt, negativity, pessimism, perhaps some disempowerment, or counter-productiveness?  If you find any of this, then you must immediately make a conscious decision that these thoughts are not serving you and know that if you have the power to think them, then you also have the power to stop thinking them!

The empowerment lies in hearing and recognizing your own self-talk for what it is and simply and immediately replacing any negative, limiting beliefs and thoughts with positive and uplifting statements, affirmations, and beliefs.

Never have I found a more effective tool for immediately stopping the mind from running a negative belief pattern once you become aware it is running, than the Prayer of Protection, which is handed down in the Empower Thyself Class.  Please contact me if you would like more information about this, how to use it, or a refresher on it.

4^th Key: Reframing and Finding the Silver Lining.

For every negative thought you find yourself having, I encourage you to give it a positive spin, and always require yourself to find a positive way to view things.  I know – it can really be challenging sometimes to find the proverbial silver lining – and it’s well worth the effort.  It’s all about finding what we can be positive about and grateful for.  Sometimes – it’s the reality of a “bullet dodged”!  Being thankful is the quickest way through most doubt, fear, and the resulting anger.  My 12 Step friends refer to this as “An Attitude of Gratitude”.

5^th Key: Investigate the Root of Your Negativity Sources

In all of this conversation about our negative thoughts, it is important to take a hard look at what the other sources are to our negativity, and removing them from our life wherever possible.  Sometimes it’s as simple as certain movies or TV shows, or specific kinds of music, or even the news channels you are listening to.  Be watchful of all negativity that you are exposing yourself to as it will directly influence/infect both your personal as well as your world view.

And of course, even though it can be difficult to manage, we must be watchful of the level of negativity in the people we are around.  This seems to be increasing by the week, as everyone deals with the far-reaching reality of Covid in today’s world.  Negative people want consensus with their particular level of thinking and emotional state – depending on their level of negativity it can be toxic.  You must not allow their negative influence to chip away at your positive, healthy, mindset.

I could not find the source of this quote, nevertheless, it is relevant:
“Ships don’t sink because of the water around them; ships sink because of the water that gets into them.  Don’t let what’s happening around you get inside you, and weigh you down.”  —Unknown. 
Never has this been more applicable than it is today.

6^th Key: Living in The Now

To stay positive, you have to live in the now – not the past.  When you keep remembering negativity from the past, it brings up the negative thought patterns associated with the experience.  This is where ‘forgive, and don’t forget, so that you don’t repeat’ becomes the best possible advice.

Everyone makes mistakes – it’s part of living life large… part of sailing your ship in the deep water and high seas.  These mistakes must not be allowed to actively affect your future other than learning from them, forgiving yourself for making them, perhaps even expressing gratitude for what you learned from them, and moving on!  Your past does not define you or your future unless you let it!

7^th Key: Positive Reinforcement

I’ve said it before and I’m going to say it again…. Talk to yourself with positive reinforcements about who you are.  All the studies show that self-affirmation and the use of positive language will not just boost your moral, it will also enhance your overall health, reduce stress, and of course, exponentially increase the positive energy in your life.  Your positive self-affirmations are what bring you directly to the tangible results that you are looking for.

One of my own favorite self-affirmations that I do regularly is “I am a healthy, thriving, beautiful sigma alpha female, and I am comfortable in my own skin.  I achieve whatever I set my mind to.  I control what is controllable, and whatever happens, I handle with grace and ease.”  As I say this, I visualize it happening in alignment with my life purpose.

Even though self-affirmations and mantras may sound outdated, or silly, they work.  If you have not done them recently, I would like to invite you to re-start them today, and reap immediate benefits.

We will work more on this next week during the Zoom call, where I will give you tips, and some time for you to come up with your own, new affirmations.  For now though, make sure the affirmations you are using start with “I am…”, and are stated in the present tense.  And also, please make sure you are acknowledging yourself for what you are doing well and are good at!  What we focus on, expands.

MY INVITATION TO YOU

This month as we enter the holiday season, I’m inviting you to go out into the world and live these seven keys:

1. Follow the 3 Steps
2. Stay conscious of what your mind is thinking and keep it positive
3. Pay close attention to your self talk as you live life large
4. Identify negative thoughts as they arise, release and find the silver lining – focusing on what you can be grateful for
5. Investigate the negativity around you and minimize it
6. Live in the now
7. Use personalized positive self-affirmations

ZOOM MEETING NEXT WEEK – WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER 10

In the meantime – if you are interested in a more in-depth/expanded conversation about Internal and External Locus of Control as covered in this newsletter series, specifically

• The 7 Keys to Creating Your Reality

please join me for a live Zoom call next week Wednesday, November 10, 6:30-8pm PST.  We will review the key points of this newsletter and dive deeper into the conversation.

And if there are specific questions you would like me to address, please send them to me at verlawade@gmail.com by Tuesday evening, November 9, 2021.

I am holding you in my heart.

Verla Wade –
The Living Light Foundation

How to Develop A Reliable Internal Locus Of Control

I paused writing the monthly newsletter in the new year seeking renewal and inspiration.  As we now approach Spring, so much has transpired for so many.

2021 arrived energetic and productive.  Then the energies started, shall we say, colliding and what ensued provided both challenging and interesting situations and opportunities.  The pressure increased noticeably to constantly support, shore up, and even justify the systems and structures that have been serving us; that appear to have been working (in fact quite well, thank you) for years.  And yet, I experienced being literally compelled to convert many foundational structures that have been supporting me more than adequately for 20 plus years!  I have been intermittently dismayed, stressed and overwhelmed, even sometimes exhilarated, as I endeavored to understand and implement these required changes.

Now, in early March, after considerable reorganization, I realize that I have literally created an upgraded, enhanced, and stronger foundation, to move forward from, which is much more in alignment with who I now am!  These changes and systems have introduced new professionals to support me both personally and professionally; and yes, a few of my favorite go-to people seem thankfully, to be weathering the storm with me.

Sound a bit like preparing for the New Paradigm?  Well yes….; …. of course!

Then why was I, and so many around me who are experiencing the same compelling, even urgent need to restructure, so surprised?  Not sure.  I’ve been “talking the talk”, and “walking the walk”.  Although I now see in retrospect (hindsight is always 20/20), that I’m able to “walk the walk” in fresh, innovative ways with some wonderful new additions at my side.

Up to now, my motto has been Create, Improvise, and Adapt, which like many of you, I’m pretty good at.  Today, this strategy is obsolete and quite frankly, no longer serves us in serving the Light.  We are being called to embrace new ways of being in order to Thrive: Create, Respond and Adapt, in order to Thrive.

I want to unpack this just a bit.

First, we are always creating.  ALWAYS – 24/7.  Given this, it becomes fundamentally important to become conscious of what we are creating and how we are creating it.  This “consciousness thing” is not always easy because it requires two things: being in the now and telling ourselves the truth.  Once we are able to tell ourselves the truth about what we are creating – all of it (not just the good and positive stuff) – then we are ready for the next important step.

Second, respond and adapt.  As we review our results and take ownership for them, we are accurately able to adjust and adapt the next phase of our on-going creation – since we are always creating.  Since we have a realistic measure of our results based on the feedback we are getting, we can now re-align and re-infuse our creation efforts with our true desires.  This just makes sense – getting conscious about creation, and then adjusting and adapting is the fine tuning required to enjoy and embody the results we are seeking.

Finally, the whole purpose of this – the whole purpose of life – is to thrive.  And I mean really thrive – quality of life.  By your standards – not someone else’s.  And especially not based on settling for less because of past “failures”, or starting to live small because you believe you can’t create what you desire.

Just a footnote, none of this is new – it is ancient, true metaphysics, 101.

The important questions to answer today are:
•    How do I define thriving for me?
•    What is the quality of life I seek in my heart of hearts?
•    What structures to I need to change in my life in order to accomplish this?

This is the pressing work for us to master in 2021.  Hope this brief unpacking helps. Covid-19 is still our teacher, and we have the opportunity to learn so much right now at light speed – if we will.

I am looking forward to hearing from you about your process in conscious creation and manifestation of your heart’s desires.

I am holding you in my heart.