Locus of Control Series: Part 4 – Taking Control of Your Life

Creating Your Reality

We are resuming this newsletter from last month, continuing the Locus of Control discussion – Internal and External – and how that affects you.

For a quick overview, when you operate from the Internal Locus, you are taking complete control of your life.  Note: this does not mean the life of anyone else!  This means you work with yourself only and don’t try to change others – you have no rules for other people in relationships – just your own healthy boundaries.  You only control what is controllable – yourself, your emotions, your time, money, energy, your health (to a certain degree), etc.   And, you don’t waste your time or your energy in trying to control or change events outside of your influence.

Last month we covered more in depth:

  1. The Difference Between Rules and Standards and the importance of having guidelines that you follow, which of course, are not imposed on others
  2. Who is in Charge in Your Life – Dominance and Control, with the focus on you being the constructive, affirming dominant energy in your life, which has nothing to do with hurting or controlling those around you or with hurting yourself.  And we dove deeper specifically into how women fully embracing their feminine energy would apply Dominance and Control in their lives
  3. The importance of what our mind is thinking – positive or negative, and the impact that has on us.  A great quote that captures this is from Maxell Maltz, Psycho-Cybernetics “You act and feel, not according to what things are really like, but according to the image your mind holds of what they are like.  You have certain mental images of yourself, your world, and the people around you, and you behave as though these images were the truth, the reality, rather than the things they represent.”

This month we are looking at…


We are required to acknowledge (when we are truly honest with ourselves) that we are always an instrument in creating our reality.  To what degree is this true?  Actually, I find it is always true.  How much we want to believe it is true is what is in question for many people, and that depends on you and the degree to which you are you willing to own your own thoughts and actions as being the directing force of your life!  It ultimately all comes down to how much actual influence you want to have in your life.  Its all up to you!

Interested in knowing more about how to create your own reality, or more of the actual reality you desire in today’s chaotic world?  There are 7 keys to creating your reality.

The 7 Keys To Creating Your Reality

1st Key: The 3 Steps.

First, you have to start by identifying your thoughts, and distinguish between the positive and the negative ones – in other words, which thoughts are supportive in moving you towards what is most important to you, and which thoughts are actually detrimental, or undermining you.  With this awareness, you also must scrutinize all dogmas and ideologies that are negative or counterproductive that could be holding you back in your life.

Second, you must constantly be actively self-motivated with positive self-talk.  And yes, some days this can require affirmations!  Try it – it works.

Third, applied consistently you will create your own sustainable and positive reality.

Now let’s talk about what to be aware of and how to apply these three steps in your life.

2nd Key: The Power of Your Mind and Thoughts.

You must be conscious that your mind is constantly thinking – at least until you learn how to harness and quiet it.  Most people in our western culture have no idea how to quiet their minds, and thus are controlled by their mind.  One of the earliest life-changing teachings in the Modern Mystery School is the Max Meditation™ technique for quieting the mind.  Please contact me if you want introduction or assistance with this amazing tool.  It really works and is easy to learn and use.

One of the challenges of the over-active mind is that it produces thoughts that result in feelings and emotions.  When we learn how to harness the mind and control the thoughts, we then have the ability to actually direct our actions.  As well, when we are aware and can actually choose the thoughts that we focus on, we can directly affect how we feel emotionally.  No person, event, or thing can make us feel any certain way.  We allow that – whether consciously or unconsciously.  As we take control of our self-talk, we create a more positive self-image and self-belief.

 Over the past 22 months especially, we have all been inundated with bad news.  Although it’s a knee-jerk reaction to become increasingly pessimistic, we are well-advised to remain positive and upbeat despite all the unfortunate circumstances we have been and continue to be faced with.  Only a positive mindset will give us the control we are seeking in our lives.  This is because when we let external factors control our thoughts and feelings, we have joined the matrix of most people, and are now operating from the external locus of control.  It is up to each of us to be honest with ourselves, and in that truthfulness, to put a positive spin on each negative situation we encounter!

3rd Key: Fulfilling Your Destiny – Living Large – Expanding Your Comfort Zone

Those of you who have been with me for a while know that I am a big proponent of fulfilling your destiny…  living life large…  expanding your comfort zone…  sailing your ship into the high seas of life…  vs. living your life in the safety of the harbor….  Whenever you are living your life fully, it is important to pay close attention to your self-talk and focus on what you are hearing and feeling.  Is your conversation empowering and positive, or is there doubt, negativity, pessimism, perhaps some disempowerment, or counter-productiveness?  If you find any of this, then you must immediately make a conscious decision that these thoughts are not serving you and know that if you have the power to think them, then you also have the power to stop thinking them!

The empowerment lies in hearing and recognizing your own self-talk for what it is and simply and immediately replacing any negative, limiting beliefs and thoughts with positive and uplifting statements, affirmations, and beliefs.

Never have I found a more effective tool for immediately stopping the mind from running a negative belief pattern once you become aware it is running, than the Prayer of Protection, which is handed down in the Empower Thyself Class.  Please contact me if you would like more information about this, how to use it, or a refresher on it.

4th Key: Reframing and Finding the Silver Lining.

For every negative thought you find yourself having, I encourage you to give it a positive spin, and always require yourself to find a positive way to view things.  I know – it can really be challenging sometimes to find the proverbial silver lining – and it’s well worth the effort.  It’s all about finding what we can be positive about and grateful for.  Sometimes – it’s the reality of a “bullet dodged”!  Being thankful is the quickest way through most doubt, fear, and the resulting anger.  My 12 Step friends refer to this as “An Attitude of Gratitude”.

5th Key: Investigate the Root of Your Negativity Sources

In all of this conversation about our negative thoughts, it is important to take a hard look at what the other sources are to our negativity, and removing them from our life wherever possible.  Sometimes it’s as simple as certain movies or TV shows, or specific kinds of music, or even the news channels you are listening to.  Be watchful of all negativity that you are exposing yourself to as it will directly influence/infect both your personal as well as your world view.

And of course, even though it can be difficult to manage, we must be watchful of the level of negativity in the people we are around.  This seems to be increasing by the week, as everyone deals with the far-reaching reality of Covid in today’s world.  Negative people want consensus with their particular level of thinking and emotional state – depending on their level of negativity it can be toxic.  You must not allow their negative influence to chip away at your positive, healthy, mindset.

I could not find the source of this quote, nevertheless, it is relevant:
“Ships don’t sink because of the water around them; ships sink because of the water that gets into them.  Don’t let what’s happening around you get inside you, and weigh you down.”  —Unknown
Never has this been more applicable than it is today.

6th Key: Living in The Now

To stay positive, you have to live in the now – not the past.  When you keep remembering negativity from the past, it brings up the negative thought patterns associated with the experience.  This is where ‘forgive, and don’t forget, so that you don’t repeat’ becomes the best possible advice.

Everyone makes mistakes – it’s part of living life large… part of sailing your ship in the deep water and high seas.  These mistakes must not be allowed to actively affect your future other than learning from them, forgiving yourself for making them, perhaps even expressing gratitude for what you learned from them, and moving on!  Your past does not define you or your future unless you let it!

7th Key: Positive Reinforcement

I’ve said it before and I’m going to say it again…. Talk to yourself with positive reinforcements about who you are.  All the studies show that self-affirmation and the use of positive language will not just boost your moral, it will also enhance your overall health, reduce stress, and of course, exponentially increase the positive energy in your life.  Your positive self-affirmations are what bring you directly to the tangible results that you are looking for.

One of my own favorite self-affirmations that I do regularly is “I am a healthy, thriving, beautiful sigma alpha female, and I am comfortable in my own skin.  I achieve whatever I set my mind to.  I control what is controllable, and whatever happens, I handle with grace and ease.”  As I say this, I visualize it happening in alignment with my life purpose.

Even though self-affirmations and mantras may sound outdated, or silly, they work.  If you have not done them recently, I would like to invite you to re-start them today, and reap immediate benefits.

We will work more on this next week during the Zoom call, where I will give you tips, and some time for you to come up with your own, new affirmations.  For now though, make sure the affirmations you are using start with “I am…”, and are stated in the present tense.  And also, please make sure you are acknowledging yourself for what you are doing well and are good at!  What we focus on, expands.


This month as we enter the holiday season, I’m inviting you to go out into the world and live these seven keys:

  1. Follow the 3 Steps
  2. Stay conscious of what your mind is thinking and keep it positive
  3. Pay close attention to your self talk as you live life large
  4. Identify negative thoughts as they arise, release and find the silver lining – focusing on what you can be grateful for
  5. Investigate the negativity around you and minimize it
  6. Live in the now
  7. Use personalized positive self-affirmations


In the meantime – if you are interested in a more in-depth/expanded conversation about Internal and External Locus of Control as covered in this newsletter series, specifically

  • The 7 Keys to Creating Your Reality

please join me for a live Zoom call next week Wednesday, November 10, 6:30-8pm PST.  We will review the key points of this newsletter and dive deeper into the conversation.

And if there are specific questions you would like me to address, please send them to me at by Tuesday evening, November 9, 2021.

I am holding you in my heart.

Verla Wade –
The Living Light Foundation


0 replies

Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.