How to Develop A Reliable Internal Locus Of Control
We are resuming this newsletter from last month, continuing the Locus of Control discussion – Internal and External – and how that affects you.For a quick overview, when you are operating from the Internal Locus, you are in total and utter control of your life. Note: this does not mean the life of anyone else! This means you work with yourself only and don’t try to change others – no rules for other people in relationships – just your own healthy boundaries. You only control what is controllable – yourself, your emotions, your time, money, energy, your health (to a certain degree), etc. You don’t waste your time or your energy in trying to control or change events outside of your influence.
In this conversation it is essential to state that you must never blame yourself for any result. No one will ever be right all the time – mistakes happen, especially when you are living large enough. As you take control of your life with the Internal Locus, you will for sure make mistakes, some bad decisions, etc. And you will get some bad results – it’s guaranteed! So relax, and get over trying to do everything perfectly – instead, be watchful and do as much as possible with excellence.
Even when your past decisions and actions have not been right (or smart, or perhaps even wise), it is imperative that you understand that you have always done the best you could do, given who you were in that particular moment in time. You must give yourself the benefit of the doubt, forgive yourself, take responsibility, and move on – without blame.
When you realize you have made a mistake, take it as an opportunity to learn, refine, and redirect – and don’t dwell on it. Your destiny is always in your hands when you have the Internal Locus of Control, because by its very nature, it forces you to look inside and make changes from within in order to achieve your desired outcome.
To start taking responsibility for yourself and developing the Internal Locus of Control there are three necessary steps
- Take Responsibility – Stop Blaming Others
- Take Action – Stop Making Excuses
- Frame Life Events as Constructive and Positive
From the start, you must understand that you are responsible and take responsibility for what happens to you. This means you stop blaming other people, places, and things, because this blame ultimately imprisons you in the victim stance. When you see an area of your life where the L of C (Locus of Control) is not 100% internal, then begin by taking responsibility. Remember though, no blame, and certainly no guilt. No harshness is allowed as you take responsibility. It is as simple as getting out of the passenger seat and into the driver’s seat of your life in each specific situation. When you are blaming others you are essentially a back-seat driver in your own vehicle of life!
Once you take responsibility you must keep going – more is required – do not stop. Now positive, forward-moving, constructive action is called for. What people with external L of C most often do here though is complain, blame, and make excuses. It is imperative that you monitor your thoughts and words and catch yourself if you start complaining – especially in your mind. Stop now! No more reasons or excuses. What is, is. Again, there is no fault or blame here, just the current reality. And in this positive mindset, if something needs attending to, do it! This is your life, so don’t wait around for someone else to magickally make it happen for you.
The final step is to give an empowered meaning to everything that happens in your life, and then take action. Successful people are self-sufficient and enterprising – especially those who have worked their way up from the ‘ground floor’. They started with a compelling vision/goal about what they wanted to achieve, and took full responsibility for their life, even when there was no guarantee. This requires courage and the willingness to invest in yourself and your dreams. What they have in common is that they are able to create a stepladder of positive and empowered meanings, and therefore able to change the direction of their life.
Now it’s up to each of us – up to you – to do the following:
- Take back control in the areas of your life where you have given it up, and
- Write/rewrite a constructive, empowering, inspiring, and positive meaning to all your events,
- Make the right decisions, and
- Take the necessary actions to achieve the results you desire
If you are wondering where to start, here are a few questions you can ask yourself:
- Where in my life am I still a victim (of my life, i.e. complaining, or blaming), and where am I a victor?
- Where in my life do things (or what circumstances cause things to) happen to me, and where do I make things happen?
- Where in my life am I still at the effect of my actions and where in my life am I the cause of my actions?
The first section of each of the three questions above are the areas where you still are dealing with a degree of External L of C – you are not fully empowered.
As you look at this for yourself this month, I’d like to share this quote from Charlie Wardle: “A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking because its trust is not on the branch, but on its own wings.” In other words, empowerment is never about blame, its about taking personal responsibility. And of course, if any of this sounds ‘vaguely familiar’ to those of you who are Initiates and Kabbalists with the Modern Mystery School, IT IS! We are just using more current concepts to explain the ancient, time-proven Hermetic and Kabbalistic principles!
Next month’s newsletter will continue to look at where the Locus of Control is in our life and we will talk about
- The Difference Between Rules and Standards
- Creating Your Reality
- Living In Your Reality
I am holding you in my heart.
The Living Light Foundation