As humans, we believe that we have the right to know. And, in fact, we are educated to know, and then expected to know in order to attain and maintain employment; indeed, in order to succeed in life.
And yet, I have recently been asking myself, what is it that I know? Like you, I can answer this question; as I know quite a bit in certain areas. And yet, what do we really know?
First, let me say that I am not questioning, nor am I challenging the value of a good education. Education is important – as is the ability to integrate that education with life skills – sometimes called street smarts. I am also not questioning the value of the ancient decree “Know Thyself”. This knowledge, understanding, and wisdom is imperative to living the right life.
What I became aware a while ago, is that I don’t know what I don’t know. Many of you have heard me say this for years – for those of you who know me, it is not new. What is new, is that I am now dating for the first time in number of years, and am applying this statement to dating.
One of the hardest things for me about dating is that almost always with another person involved there are things you don’t know – especially at first. And depending on how the relationship progresses or doesn’t, there are things you will never know. For instance, why it is ending? I mean why it is really ending – not the surface stuff, but what is really going on with the two psyches involved.
We are all quite adept at making up a plausible “storyline” about the resulting outcome, when things don’t go the way we anticipate with another person. She has intimacy issues, he has not completed his last relationship, etc., etc., etc., ad nauseam. In fact, when we don’t know, we have a tendency to label the result with a story that makes sense to us (based on our experiences), and move on. Right? And this is not just in dating.
I decided, that as new men moved through my life I was going to continue moving forward with no stories about them! I have concluded that since I do not really know them, that any story I put on the situation is just a spin, based on me, and might have no true basis in reality. Sure, I’m pretty astute, even aware, and a somewhat trained psychic. All that being equal, I still don’t know that person, and my spin/story is just that – not based on fact, rather based on some fragment of my past experience, or present figment of imagination, or projection into the future.
With this in mind, I have decided to LIVE IN THE QUESTION. No story, no fear, no spin, no solution. This means no immediate resolution that lets my emotional and mental bodies “off the hook”. When I honestly don’t know, I respond with just the simple statement – I don’t know what happened. And, I have to tell you – that in itself, has been a big learning curve. It’s not easy, because we are SUPPOSED TO KNOW! Right? If we don’t know, apparently we have not done something right!
Well, here’s what I have to share with you. When two people are involved, we cannot always know what is going on with the other person. Indeed, sometimes they don’t even know! Which leads me to know that my choice to live with the question might be more honest than always seeking to know why it didn’t work out, or what happened for him, etc. etc. etc.
I have discovered that as I live in the question, it seems to always bring me back to me. Am I who I want to be? Am I the best version of myself? And honestly, isn’t that what its about?
Not knowing is not easy. And yet, its honest. Its authentic. Next time you don’t have enough information and you decide to “diagnose” a situation or person in your life just so you can be comfortable, I invite you to live in the question.
And please, let me know how it unfolds for you.
I am holding you in my heart.
Sending You Love and Light,
Verla Wade & The Living Light Foundation